Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
