If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
