We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
