There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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