you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
