She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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