I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
