I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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