U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
