there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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