Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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