i just had sex bonerless
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
