I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
