I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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