dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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