What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
