Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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