i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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