i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
