No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
