I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
