Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
