So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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