brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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