saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
