Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
