Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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