I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
