I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
