Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
