She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
