I'm passing your future prison.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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