Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
