This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
