So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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