Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
