i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
