I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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