please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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