I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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