3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
