The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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