dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
id be glad to
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
