I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
