My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
