hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
