I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
