you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
