Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
