Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
