Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
