oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
