im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
