I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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