my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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