Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize