I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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