420 ftw
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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