Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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