I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
