Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
