Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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