John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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