it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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