my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
