now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
