we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
