Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then he tried to convert me to islam
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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